The whole concept that this wife won't tell Dan why she's leaving him because she's afraid of hurting him would be comical if it wasn't so serious. Did she really think he'd be cool with her leaving in the first place? Dan deserves to know why this is happening if for no other reason than to make sure he doesn't make the same "mistake" (if that's what it was) with whoever his next significant other turns out to be. To me, closure has little to do with it. If I screwed up anything, I'd want to know how I did it and whether or not I can do something to correct it. This wife apparently wasn't interested in giving Dan the chance, and it's a crying shame he had to learn that after 26 years of marriage.

Perhaps she knew she was going to leave before he retired, but wanted to give it enough time to not look so obvious.

And perhaps the general clueless-ness points to the possibility that Dan hasn't been very connected in the marriage for quite some time.

I hope he stops torturing himself. In the end, it doesn't matter why she left. At all. All that matters is that either she became someone who could do this or had secretly been that way all along. The very fact she would, could do this means he doesn't want to be with her. End of story.

We're only hearing his side of the breakup. There's 2 sides to every story, Sometimes it takes the breakup to get the other person to realize what they're losing/lost. Sometimes people are just oblivious to what's going on because they get so self involved that they don't see that their world is falling apart. Perhaps it's not just 1 thing maybe it's alot of things that have been building up. People tell you to take things with a grain of salt so maybe her salt shaker just can't take anymore. Maybe she's given him alot of second chances but he just didn't see it. Maybe she just doesn't have the energy anymore to keep trying. After awhile of being hurt you fall out of love and are just emotionally drained. My sympathies to each of them.

I think someone clued her in that she will get half his retirement! The reason she dumped him
is not too hard to figure out, she might have been pressured into a marriage , and once married, could not hurt him (children etc?) she, like many wives hang in there, unhappy , but stay in the marriage for the children (he didn't say anything about kids) or even just because he's a 'nice guy' . eventually she knew she too deserved happiness, and I really believe it was the hardest thing she ever did in her life. don't assume she's the bad guy, because I know she's in pain too!

In 1986, my wife of 31 years left, with 24 hours notice. Never a word to this day of what the problems were. This is still hard to deal with, BUT I have found the woman of my dreams,, after searching for 20 years, and I am happy AND content. Take your time.

After 27 years we are ending it and I am looking forward to being by myself. Quit being such a pansy and get on with it. There are a lot of women out there seeking men.

I come from a military family, and was in the military myself. I watched my parents go through strife whenever my dad returned from overseas. When my dad retired, my mom had to go through a period where she had to get used to my dad being around all the time. It was almost a constant hell for a while.

When I left the Army, my wife left me. I told her what my parents went through, but she decided to leave anyways. The best I can explain this is, if you took two plants and had them taken care of by a gardener, they'll end up looking very similar as they go through their experiences together with the gardener. If you took one away to have it's experiences with another gardener, it'll come back looking different from it's experiences.

People are not all that different; They change with their experiences too. You are not the same person as you were when you first met your wife, and she is not the same person as back then too. People change with their experiences. It's neither good or bad. It's just something that happens. If given enough time, you two can grow back to become similar just like if the two plants would start looking similar if they are with the same gardener. The question is, how bad do the both of you want to work to be "similar" again? If one of you made the decision to leave, it's already too late. That person may have already made of their mind that the relationship is too broken to repair. If so, it's time to move on. It's time to take advantage of the single life again. Do the things you couldn't do as a couple. Take the higher road, and don't hold a grudge. You'll be a better man for it.

Dan,

It’s far more common than you think. My marriage went by the wayside at 30 years and we stayed together for another 8 because a young child. What a mistake. The last thing you would ever want to do is come home to someone everyday who wishes you were not there. It’s better for you to end it when you first learn about it.

I was totally unaware and looking forward to growing old with her. One day, she just announced it was over. She never gave a reason, mostly because I think she knew that it would have helped me to have one. I learned over time that she had conjured up all sorts of stories about me and how badly she was treated. Everyone, who knew me, knew it was not true and eventually our friends became exclusively my friends.

Move on, buy yourself the house you want, the car you want, (Corvette for me), the dog (s) you want and learn what a wonderful life you can have when you are free. I casually date several ladies on a schedule that I want and I find their companionship to be a wonderful interlude in a busy and free life. Keep it light, don’t make any commitments for now. Give yourself at least a year as a single before you even contemplate searching for another life’s companion. Once you are past the initial shock, the freedom of being your own person again will more than compensate for loss of a bad relationship.

Learn to care less what she is doing or who she is doing it with, it’s about you from now on.