Most Popular Relationships Articles

Ms. Vicki: Helping Lazy Military Wives Ruined My Marriage

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I was married to an Army officer for three years before we divorced in Honolulu, Hawaii, a place that has every military branch of service. I worked in family readiness at Schofield Barracks, and the same at Hickam Air Force Base and interacted with many spouses across the service branches.

My marriage ended because I refused to become a selfish military wife who needs everything handed to her on a silver platter because she is too lazy to go out and earn a living and search for resources on her own.

I guess I shouldn't complain, because their laziness is what kept me employed. Even today, I work for a government contractor helping military wives and others search for educational programs, build resumes and find employment.

Now, Ms. Vicki, what grown person can't enroll in a college of their choice? Why can't they search the internet for employment or network like so many other people? And the inevitable resume? Every computer has a resume template for you to use. It's just ridiculous the money the government is willing to spend on the military and their families.

I admit my marriage was just OK. It wasn't the explosions of fireworks and love that I expected from a man who is so passionate and giving to his Army career and about serving his country. When he would come home he had nothing left to give me and I quickly became tired of his inattention and lack of affection other than when we talked about his unit.

There are many people who are in the same situation that I was in, but they choose the only way to survive. You survive by becoming a part of a system that babies you and employs thousands, instead of making you stand on your own two feet.

Ms. Vicki I'm wondering if you agree with me, or if you are taking the side of those military spouses?

-- Wandering Restless.

Dear Wandering Restless,

When I was initially reading your letter I was saying to myself: "girl, bye," but I kept reading.

Let me be clear: I wholeheartedly disagree with you. I found a lot of cynicism in your letter, too. You have the audacity to blame your failed marriage on the perceived "selfish military spouse." It sounds like you had marital problems from the word "go." Your ex-husband didn't love you, he wasn't interested in having a relationship with you that was filled with passion and intimacy, so he stayed at work instead.

You choose to blame that on other military spouses? Hilarious. I have had the pleasure of working on most military installations where my husband was assigned. It was great providing services and giving back to people in my military community. I did it because I love military families and military spouses. I don't despise them like you do.

I don't believe you ever helped anyone. You should resign from your current position immediately.

I'll be the first one to say it: you're fired! If I wanted to be really ugly, I would post your email address so everyone could send you a piece of their mind.

Don't keep in touch!

Sincerely,

Ms. Vicki

Related Topics

Ask Ms. Vicki Family and Spouse Military Marriage

Military News App by Military.com

Download the new Military.com News App for Android on Google Play or for Apple devices on iTunes!

Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.